So this is goodbye...

I am done. Finished. It is over, I can take no more.

Time is here and now...

I'm pushing forward.
I'm returning.

Goodbye cold.
Hello warmth.

The clock tower is sounding, rushing me into what I wanted all along, but feared to embrace.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hi, I've missed you.


"Then this bird just fly away, she was never meant to stay, to keep her caged would just delay the spring." - The Cage, Travis

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Insightful title... I know.

I find it annoying that after all these years, after all the writing, the typing, the talking, the thinking, I still do not communicate my true feelings clearly. 

I can never express what I really mean. 

If I could, perhaps we would have never ended.

Perhaps, we could have begun.

 

funny how...

... some things never change.

... I can't seem to let go.

... I still feel as mature as I did when I was twelve years old.

... your face is still in my dreams.

... deep betrayal sinks.

... how easily I can hate her, even though you are to blame.

... music brings old emotions to the surface.

... I try so hard to hold onto memories that cause nothing but pain. 

... I miss you, but don't wish to change anything. 

... I don't miss you.

... I still look for you.

... it is just like it was before, only much deeper. 

"If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?" - The Juliana Theory

"I am taking my whisky by the pint..."

It just seems better that way.

All things... seem better in large portions, high doses.

Loud music - makes you feel more alive.

Strong wind - encourages you to fly.

After all... do we not, as humans, live for the moment?



"Time exist, but just on your wrist so don't panic" - Travis, Indefinitely

Running from... running.

Does it get easier? 

Life.... I mean. 

Will there ever come a day where I am able to stop wondering and simply live?

Maybe tomorrow will be better. 

Maybe tomorrow, i'll leave this place.

Or would that just be giving in to the desire to run screaming, crying, flailing out of this season. 

fond

I am growing rather attached to this wonderful artist...

I thought I was over it, but apparently ... I am not.

Two thousand nine has brought fresh waves of the betrayal I would rather hide ten thousand feet below earth than ever glance at again. I find myself living for tomorrow and attempting to block out today.

I see now that I am facing a window, waiting, expectant, but of what... for what... I do not know.

in the year two thousand nine

I am trying to wake up..
To come alive
To find myself
To find Him