grandfathers garden, mud caked hands, bluegrass, sun and cold beer = the best spring day

There is nothing quite as enjoyable as working in a garden.
Even if you pour sweat as the sun beats down burning your face and arms.
It is still incredibly fulfilling.

"Honey I'm a price, you're a catch and we're a perfect match."

Its rather annoying...

...being twenty-three years old,
knowing who the perfect guy for you is,
and knowing that he has no clue.

Guess I'll wait here...
hoping,
dreaming,
trusting... that some day he'll open his eyes.

Once perfection blurs your vision,

its hard to imagine anyone else,
even if they are within reach.

I'm not saying he is perfect,
i'm not that naive,

but he is perfect for me... expect for the fact that he doesn’t see it.

Since better can't be, as friends we'll agree" - Sabra Girl, Nickel Creek

"Oh, he says, he can't love me, but I think he can and I told him that, just before he ran." Anthony, Nickel Creek

24, September -- it's everywhere.

This is a hard day, for many reasons and for no reason at all because nothing really 'happened'.

Yet, it also feels like everything happen.

Reasons:

Dreams, both in process and incomplete.

Changes, both the lack of and the thought of.

Summer - for the first time in my life I am enjoying a hot as hell southern spring/summer .. I find I like the sun, walking in it, biking in it, running in it.

Scotland (Alba), my heart aches for home.

Promises, unfulfilled.

9-24 --- 24, September, it haunts me. It means everything and nothing.

Your voice in my head.

The lack of timing with which You choose to direct my path.

The voice that screams, be responsible.

The voice that screams RUN FREE!

All the while I wonder... is it possible to have both?

"Where am I today? I wish that I knew

'Cause looking around there's no sign of you
I don't remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead" - Reasons why, Nickel Creek

22, April ----- work.

I can't stay put. I have to make a run for the door. The cage is closing in all around me and I must get out while I can. This mundane ritual has become simply pointless, something done because someone, somewhere said it was a requirement to survival.

The sun is calling to me. The blue sky is beckoning. These four walls hold no entertainment, no enjoyment, nothing to entice the imagination.

Thoughts of books, bike riding, long walks, ice cream, cigarettes, naps in the sun, guitar playing, song writing, singing and enjoying a beer on the balcony are crowding my mind leaving no room for this repetitive cycle.

"Then this bird just flew away, she was never meant to stay. To keep her caged would just delay the spring." - Travis, the cage.

"This is easy as lovers go, so don't complicate it by hesitating."

I've been on a serious Dashboard confessional kick lately. (Don't judge me.) I can't seem to get away from the whiny emotional dramatic pull that their lyrics have. It sucks me in and feeds something inside my soul. I think I envy the freedom of being able to express the feelings about relationships that swarm inside me. The ability to craft lyrics that capture what everyone feels, but no one says. Everyone has frustrations and annoyances about relationships (or lack there of) with the opposite sex. It is a part of being human. But we never step up and say what is going on inside.

We hesitate. We wait. In some cases.. these can be good things. But in most cases, speaking your mind in genuine honesty is priceless. Instead, we glance crookedly at each other from across the room hoping the object of our thoughts will see while also dreading that they will see. Does this not feel a little jr. high-ish? Sometimes I think it would be so much easier just to go back to passing notes that say "I like you, do you like me?" Check yes or no. If the feeling is not mutual, no big deal, lets just not waste time hanging out in the unknown. Lets be straight forward about what we are thinking and feeling.

"I'll be true, I'll be useful
I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours, my dear
And I'll belong to you
If you'll just let me through
This is easy, as lovers go
So don't complicate it by hesitating
And this is wonderful, as loving goes
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting" - As Lovers go Dashboard Confessional. 

oh summer.. oh the heat... oh how I wish for a cool breeze.

Summer in the South

Basking in the summer sun
We seem to have skipped spring again this year
Dreaming of what you would say if you saw me in my blue dress
Wondering if you’d sit with me a while

Dogwood in full bloom overhead
Pollen falling like snow, dusting the ground around me
Birds singing at full volume, filling my heart with childlike wishes
Remembering being young, chasing caterpillars around the backyard

Sweet iced tea sweating from its glass on the blanket beside me
Picturing the swing in grandpa’s yard, how high I would soar
Tree house, built for my uncle, falling down now
Desiring any body of water to bring relief to the heat

Cousins running, screaming hiding from each other in the dark
Lightening bugs light our path
Girls protest as boys try to capture the mystical creatures in mason jars
Neighbors shouting threatening to call the cops to quiet us down

Sitting on the back deck watching Nannie dance her blues away
Bluegrass playing loudly, cold miller lite in hand
Clogging shoes tap in rhythm as sister joins in
The grill is ready now, throw dinner on, the men are hungry

Father and son pull out the guitars
Familiar melody fills the air
We clap along in perfect timing
This is summer. This is the south.














"Summer comes, yeah, as loud as hope and takes your breath away"
-Loud as hope, Iron & Wine