You're not what I need - I'm not what you need, so it works out well.

I like to check up on you from time to time.
Not because I miss "us", but occasionally I miss "you".

I want to know how you are doing.

However, I don't want you to know that I care.

Sounds harsh, I know, but sometimes I don't feel that you are worthy of my care.

So I'll continue to peek around corners, wearing my stalker mask, just so my heart can be sure that you are happy.

"I still miss you sometimes, when the weather's getting colder" - Joe Purdy

Waiting on the Vision

God showed me this verse while I was complaining about not being in Scotland right now. I do this often. I don't remember seeing this verse before. Or perhaps I was never in a desperate enough need before now to really see and accept it.


"What's God going to say to my questions? I'm braced for the worst. I'll climb to the lookout tower and scan the horizon. I'll wait to see what God says, how he'll answer my complaint. Full of Self, but Soul-Empty and then God answered: "Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming - it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time."
Habakkuk 2:1 - 3 - The Message version


"These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled."

I want what I don't want and don't know what it is that I do want.

Am I the only person who, while filling out a personality test, begins to wonder if they may be bipolar? There seem to be two extremes inside me, of course I have complete control over which is shown in which situation. But really, are people supposed to be this split up inside?

So keeping true to who I am, I made a list. A list of what I want. It confused me even more.

Behold the conflicting list;

I want the sound of rain.

I want a hand to hold.

I want trees and a bed made of grass.

I want quiet.

I want folk music.

I want a gentle reassuring breeze.

I want the fragrance of jasmine.

I want to fly.

I want to take the road less travelled.

I want solitude.

I want mystery.

I want brown hair.

I want a brown dress.

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I want tattoo's.

I want piercing's.

I want rock and roll music.

I want red hair.

I want a black dress.

I want to smoke and drink.

I want friends and parties.

I want the house and car.

I want the job and degree.

I want to be looked up to.

I want power and fame.

I want authority.

I want to be the boss.

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Ultimately, I know who I am, where I am going and what I want. It's just the little things at times seem to conflict.

I am responsible and gentle.


I am wild and carefree.